I remember when I first started photographing weddings, I was always very nervous. The night before, I had to prepare and pack all my camera gear, checked out the physical map to see where the bride and groom’s homes were (yes, this was before Waze was born!) and set my alarm to ensure that I woke up on time. On the way to the location, I would be trying to get myself emotionally ready by telling myself everything would go well and that we will be able to create beautiful images. If I skipped this process, I would not be mentally prepared for the wedding.
However, during the wedding itself, I was fully present in the moment with the couple, senses fully aware of every little moment that was happening, and camera ever ready to point towards action. I had to be curious about everything that was going on and flexible enough to change if plans did not go the way I expected. It’s no wonder that after a 16-17 hour day on my feet, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. All I wanted to do was to relax and just release all the adrenaline from the day. Over time, I became more comfortable with the process.
Similarly, coaching needs a lot mental and emotional preparation so that we can be completely ready to face our coachee. If we as coaches have been facing a difficult day or handling your own emotional crisis like the passing of a loved one, it’s ok to reschedule the session. We really need to ensure our mind is client-centred and not distracted so we can continue to remain present, open, curious and flexible during the coaching session.
During the session, all of our senses need to be alert and aware so we can listen intently. Often times, we have to trust our instinct and check in on a client when they bring up certain issues or perhaps exhibit body language that tells you something is amiss. For example, the coachee might say a phrase like, “This boss reminds me of my other boss from hell.” Our response could be, “I noticed that you appear tense when you referred to your other boss from hell. Would you be comfortable to talk through that?”
If the coachee starts to cry, as a coach, we need to regulate our own emotions too. Ultimately, we want the coachee to feel comfortable, so we might lean back in our chair or look away so it gives them that physical space to reflect. It is also appropriate to ask, “Would you prefer if I give you some extra time?” Then hang up the call and contact them again after a while.
The coaching mindset requires that we listen with all our 5 senses. It’s important to develop this sensitivity towards the client so we don’t end up sabotaging the session by bulldozing through without recognizing the client’s need for space. Our curiosity leads us to ask powerful questions but through it all, we need to practice empathy through a balanced head and heart. Skills like learning to control our voice, intonation, pace and volume takes practice but so crucial in ensuring connection.
Often times, coachees can continue talking about problems without any readiness to move forward. So during the session, we’ll need to gently guide them to focus on the future… what are the possible solutions to their problems? But this is where we need to be careful not to overly be focused on the end result or activity ( What are your goals? What are your options? What are you going to do?) but focus on the person’s identity. (Who am I serving?) It is about putting the relationship first (the who before the what). Are we coaching the person in front of us, or are we coaching the challenge they are facing?
Finally, after the session, it is good to develop the practice of ongoing learning and development as a coach, which includes further study and also reflection. What did we do right, or what could we have done better? The emotions we carry from this session needs to be released so that we do not bring that same atmosphere home. I love this question that Coach Mel shared, “When you walk out of that door, what are you walking into? “
The next room involves other people (like my husband and kids)… I need to be fully engaged and present with them too. They deserve that much from me. As a coach, if I need help myself, it’s ok to seek help from others too. I have a responsibility towards myself to take care of my needs before others.
Credits:
Cover Photo by Janelle Hewines on Unsplash
Silhouette Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash
