In this webtorial, we delve deeper into the CORE as part of the Flow5 COACH process. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a good reminder that the most basic of needs always sit at the bottom of the pyramid. Just like when our toddler is young, can’t communicate well yet but is crying or acting up, we need to ask, “Are our children’s most basic needs met? Is she hungry? Tired? Sick?” When our basics are covered, we can then address other issues that the child might be facing.
So in the case of our coachee, he or she might be facing some huge challenges at the start of the coaching journey. Especially during this season where the Covid-19 pandemic has left many of us feeling helpless, insecure and low in esteem. The gap between where the coachee wants to be and where he is right now could be huge. Understanding this context helps us to manage the conversation so that we start from where they are at.
I love the reference we made to Tony Robbin’s 6 human drivers in this webtorial. Every person’s behaviour is driven by a need, whether consciously or subconsciously. Here’s an excerpt about what the 6 human drivers are according to his website:
1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others
As I reflect on this now, I think one of my early drivers when I was in my 20s was the need for connection and love. When I found and married my husband, that need was met. The relationship brought a lot of security to my life, which meant that I felt ‘free’ to explore other aspects of my life that would bring fulfilment. For 10 years, I was driven by the desire for adventure – even though that sense of adventure needed to fit within the confines of security. That need was met when I acknowledged that God has great plans to prosper me… that whatever path I chose to embark on, as long as it wasn’t directly against His will, He would bless it!
Now, my focus has shifted yet again. I am now driven by significance. Through the years, the running theme of my life was to make a difference in someone else’s life. I want to feel as if my life counts for something, that I add value to others. Embarking on this coaching journey helps bring me closer to this idealistic goal of mine that overlaps with the fulfilment of contributing to others.
Mastering the Inner Game
The voices within our hearts are normally loud and confusing. On one hand, we tell ourselves, “I can’t do this, I don’t have what it takes…” and yet, we act as our own cheerleader… “Hey, you can do this. You have unique strengths, capabilities and heart that makes this role perfect for you…” The place in the middle is a terrible place to be stuck in, because it just means that nothing ever gets done.
But if we get over our negative self-talk, quell our limiting beliefs, tell that conscious mind to STOP giving excuses, we can do amazing things in this world. That is where we want to lead our coachees. Get rid of the interferences in their minds so that their potential is unleashed and voila! Performance becomes a natural progression.
So how do we do that?
- Quiet your mind
- Imagine the ideal outcome
- Act your part (visualize reaching the finishing line, step in and embody what you wish for)
- Create new awareness (new habits performed over and over again will help bring lasting change)
- Open choices (things we have never done before)
- Embrace challenges (accept that failure will happen)
- Trust the process
One step forward, bit by bit.
