Over 41 years of my life, I have always practiced this habit of asking questions, not to anyone else, but to myself. Most of these questions are related to life and my purpose of living.
Why am I placed on earth for?
What was I born to do?
What is unique about my personality, skills and heart passions?
Which direction in life do I take?
If I had all the resources, time and energy in this world, what would I do?
What is my big dream?
How can I move towards living my dream life?
Interestingly, as I asked these questions of myself, it took me a long time before I could be absolutely certain of the answers and convicted about the direction I needed to take. Two biggest decisions I made in life that took me one year of pondering include… Should I continue to work with my sister in her company or move on? Should I continue to be in a relationship with my then ex-boyfriend (you know the answer by now).
The point of this post is that asking questions are definitely a key tool every coach needs to use in order to bring their coachee from one place to another. But not just any questions. We need to learn how to ask powerful questions.
We ask questions so that it can evoke awareness in the coachee and help them explore beyond their current way of thinking.
Coaches ask questions because we want to:
- Understand where the client is at (happiness, gratitude)
- Establish direction for the client (clarity, timeframe)
- Solves or achieves something (problem, outcome)
- Encourage self-discovery (motivation, barriers)
- Enhance creativity and reflection (Break out and in)
I learnt a few key things in this lesson.
- Simplify your question
Questions that are too long can confuse people. Simplicity is key and just focus on an idea that is direct and can help move the coachee forward. Keep in mind basic journalistic storytelling questions (5W and 1H) that begin with Who, Where, What, Why, When and How. - Changing some words can make your questions even more powerful.
For example, asking the question, “What should we do?” is not as powerful as asking, “What could we do?” The first question feels like it is inviting a reactive response whereas the 2nd question invites discussions, ideas and opens up possibilities. Other examples could be to ask visual coachees questions such as “What are you seeing?” vs “What are you thinking?”
During this webtorial, Coach Mel asked us to prepare one question for discussion, and I selected, “What could you do if you knew you could not fail?” Interestingly, someone else in the group (Fash) came up with this question, ” If you knew you would definitely succeed, what will you do?” I didn’t think there was a difference between the 2 questions, but Coach Mel pointed out that my question had a problem-solving slant to it as compared to Fash’s question, which was more goal-oriented. - Depth vs Breadth Questions
Some people can ramble on and on with lots of details about their life and sometimes elaborating on many stories at one go. It can get pretty confusing, so we can ask Breadth questions to this type of coachee. For example, “What did you learn from this situation?”, “What is the main objective?” or “What is your higher intention?”
On the other hand, if you have coachees that do not elaborate enough details and just skim through the surface of issues, you can ask Depth questions such as “What is one area that you would like to really focus on?”, “What can you pay attention to, when thinking about your relationship?” or “What are you particularly concerned about?”
In order for questioning to come naturally, I really need to rethink through all the questions I usually ask in my conversations with people. Since I started this coaching certification, I am definitely more conscious about what I say and how I say it.
Cover pic photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash
